Thursday, November 22, 2018

Hey...

Heyy blogger...
Guess what? I can't seem to get my life right. Guess I am just the biggest loser of my life huh. Everything's a mess, like, EVERYTHING.
Been laughing and joker-ing too much, I don't know man, I feel like my inner devil is growing, stronger and stronger, day by day...
Voices been talking to me, whenver I am fustrated, or feeling insecure. I tried to find someone to talk to, to express my feelings to, eventually I felt that, they have their lifes, I have mine, people are busy with their lifes, so... yeah, I am all alone again...
Hey blogger...
Can I...
Yes, I know I can, guess we are going to be partner again huh? Just like those days? But I will keep it low profile, real low profile, like, no one will ever find you eh
Hey blogger...
I've changed, I am not the guy I used to be, you know it, right? The laughter I've given weren't come from the bottom of my heart, I didn't feel happy for real for a really long time. Yeah, been storing too much negativities thses times, you knew it already, right?
Hey blogger...
Save me, will you? Grab my hand and pull me out from this mud of dissapointment and negativities. Grant me wings to fly far away from this unhappy land. Shelter me from all the judgements. At least, give me courage to face this world...




Thursday, October 13, 2016

永别

      "永别了" - 我曾经对妳说过, 但却收回了, 只因我还是认为妳会回来, 回到我身边, 再续前缘. 我也对妳说了再见, 在脑海里, 在心里, 讯息里, 当妳面… 但事情没我所愿. 我每一次都很明确地告诉自己离开妳, 然而我总是有不同的藉口让妳回到我心里. 每一次都满怀期待着, 期盼你至少那么一次如同我认同妳般认同我, 或者至少改变妳的想法一丁点, 但事与愿违, 我最后获得的是更加的伤害, 失望, 心碎几无奈.

      爱很微妙, 纵使妳一次又一次地伤害我, 你依然在我心里占据了非常特殊的位置. 远距离的恋爱, 是我无时无刻都挂念妳, 无论身在何方, 只要一想起妳, 嘴角就会挂起笑容. 我知道 - 因为妳对我施了魔法, 所以我才会把最好的一切都给妳, 因为妳对我施了魔法, 我才会上刀山下火海, 为妳追逐遥不可及的太阳月亮星星. 我也断绝了我身边所有异性朋友圈, 朋友都说我不确实际, 疯了. 但为了妳, 都是值得的. 我不晓得该给朋友们什么反应, 也是他们没看到妳在我身上施展的魔法吧! 至少我一直都是这么深信着.

      可是那也只是我对你疯狂的爱所盲目地信仰着, 我依然记得得知真相是的每一幕. 妳依旧美丽动人的脸上浮现了前所未有的陌生感, 我别无所求, 只希望一切都只是个骗局. 然而赤裸裸的真相彻底地把我压垮了, 我恳求, 我无助地颤抖, 我看着那即将永远都不再属于我的脸孔, 久久不能释怀…

      八个月里, 我颓废, 我堕落, 我一筹莫展, 我失去了动力, 我对未来零期望, 我没有丝毫的勇气前进. 我恐惧, 我卑微得不如狗……

      2016年 10月 12日, 我无意间照到镜子, 我讶异我已经不认得眼前的自己, 消极的生活态度, 使得自己毫无生气. 我了解了, 有些事只能发生在童话故事里, 我了解了, 有些事无论多努力, 不是你的终究不会属于你的, 我了解了 - 妳, 已是过去式, 妳在我人生的章节已结束, 我需要翻页, 亦或者 -撕页.

      我需要放下过去, 我要向前迈进.

      "永别了" - 在未来的日子, 我要把我自己放在第一位, 我要像我愛妳那般地爱我自己, 在我须眉浩然之时, 回望无悔人生.

      永别了, 我曾经唯一的动力
      永别了, 我已规划好的未来
      永别了, 我的挚爱